From broken to mosaic: a story of identity, eating disorders, and finding your way back

By Amelia (Lia) Conway, Associate Manager, Enterprise Center of Excellence at Sanofi

Many of us in the LGBTQ+ community struggle with self-acceptance, and this journey can be further complicated by mental health conditions, including eating disorders (EDs). Now more than ever, talking openly about EDs is crucial, as they often remain hidden in the shadows due to stigma. They thrive in secrecy, leaving sufferers battling feelings of isolation and shame. Moreover, just looking at the USA, a staggering 9% of people are estimated to suffer from an eating disorder in their lifetime, highlighting just how important an open dialogue is for supporting those in need.

I’d like to do my part in breaking the silence, and to provide a gentle reminder to those struggling that they needn’t do so alone. That’s why today, I'll be sharing my eating disorder story about the delicate dance between identity, body image, and the belonging, all woven into the tapestry of my experience as a transgender woman.

A Mosaic Shattered

At its core, transition is about embracing your authentic self. Imagine your identity as a vibrant mosaic, each tile representing a facet of who you are – gender, culture, personality, and more. We all have different mosaics, but we may share some tiles with each other – that’s what allows us to connect and to learn from other people. In other words, “we may have different constellations, but we all still share some stars”.

Deep down, I longed for that connection, but never quite had it until I transitioned. Prior to my coming out (just after my college graduation), my gender identity was a silent struggle, a piece of the mosaic I kept hidden away from others’ view. I was deeply afraid and ashamed of what might happen if I shared that part of myself with the outside world.

No matter how much I tried to hide it, I couldn’t deny it – my body and my mind were misaligned. This came to a head during puberty. Adolescence can be frightening for us all, but for me, it ignited a war that waged inside my mind for over 10 years.

My mind and body were split, and my outside changed in ways that didn't align with my true self. It was a horrifying and traumatic experience. It left me powerless, feeling like my body had betrayed me, and that I could no longer trust it. The experience had scarred me, and I didn’t have the chance to process these feelings until they later manifested during my transition as an eating disorder. The disease transformed my mental struggles into a physical one, and it nearly took away everything I held dear.

I just want to be "Enough"